Lie, Cheat and Deceive on Two Wheels: Michael Rasmussen Training Camp Shows Amateurs How to Break All the Rules

Just what we all needed, a Michael Rasmussen cycling training camp. From one of the most notorious riders in recent years comes a $2,495 week long camp for amateur cyclists to "Learn the art of climbing from one of the greatest climbers in cycling today." Today? Don't they mean yesterday? And don't they actually mean "Learn the art of climbing from one of the greatest doped climbers in cycling last year?"

Whether Michael Rasmussen doped may never be known. He never failed any drug test and was never found with doping products. But we do know he lied about where he was. Why would he do this unless he had something to hide? And now he wants us cycling fans to plunk down 2500 clams to hear him tell us how to climb better??!?!?

I can see it now. You approach the posh Ayres Inn at Alpine and see a fiendishly gaunt Rasmussen hunched over a plastic tool box. Inside are various pills and needles. Rasmussen blinks nervously when you approach, and asks you to pull up your shorts. "Zis iz lesson one," he says as his beady eyes bore a hole in your skull. "No pain, no gain!" He pierces the skin of your quadracep and tells you "Zeese are vitamins, zey vill help your body adapt to the altitoode." Later that day, as your pulling away from your riding companions, Rasmussen explains to the group that you were more committed than them, which is why your climbing has improved markedly already. And that's just day one.

Of all cyclists, Michael Rasmussen is the last person that should be hosting a training camp. He should be laying low, trying to stay out of the public eye, until his ban is up. But like many disgraced cheaters, Rasmussen must find a way to earn some money. All he knows is cycling, so he thinks it logical to embark on this venture.

The worst part is he will probably attract a handful of participants. Some people are so blinded by their admiration for a rider that they'll willingly ignore the fact that they are cheaters. Which is fine I guess. As long as Rasmussen isn't racing professionally, I really don't care what he does with his time. Hopefully he'll turn this venture into his long term career so I never have to see him kitted up for a pro team again. Somehow though, I don't think I'll be that lucky.